Reduce Reactivity

As I continue my self-reflection journey to reduce reactivity, I uncover new patterns, thoughts, and limiting beliefs that persist and no longer serve me in my life. 
And, to be honest, it's hard to do self-reflection; it's ugly and uncomfortable to look at parts of yourself and see things that don't put you in the best light. Yet, it's by looking at the shadow that you grow. You get the opportunity to choose a new path, direction, and flow that leads to clarity. 

It was with this train of thought that I developed the five steps below, which you can master one by one to help reduce reactivity. 

* Pro Tips*: It's helpful to repeat these steps, as the body and mind learn from repetition. The more often you incorporate them into your daily life, the less you'll desire to revert to reactivity.
 As you go through the steps, keep in mind an incident, person, or situation where you instantly reacted to it/them without stopping to listen or truly hear what was happening; you just reacted. This, in turn, led to a series of other negative consequences, such as miscommunications and arguments. 

1. Acknowledge every negative thought that enters your mind. Step one sounds counterintuitive, yet when you take the time to allow and acknowledge every negative thought about the challenging situation, person, or thing to enter your mind, you instantly begin to tame the level of reactivity by giving voice to what's going on at that moment; those negative thoughts are there to let you know they want to be allowed in and acknowledged. 

2. Thank those thoughts for showing themselves to you. You want to thank those negative thoughts by saying thank you for showing up in the first place, because they are the ones who provide insight into the reasons behind your reactions. These negative thoughts serve as an essential gauge for getting to the core of your desire to react and thus control the person, thing, or situation.

3. Marinate in any uncomfortable sensations that show up. When you can take a moment to sit with how your body is feeling during your reactivity, you can slowly start to deconstruct the pattern of reactivity by becoming aware of where you feel the above sensations in your body. Do you have a tense shoulder? Is your jaw tight? Do you clench your fists? When you begin to recognize those sensations, you become more aware of the power of your choices about holding onto patterns that don't do a darn thing for you. 

4. Ask your body how freedom, movement, and peace might feel. You want to then get more specific and ask your body how having freedom, movement, and peace might feel in relation to the challenging person, situation, or thing, rather than feeling tense. For example: Body, I know you're tense in your shoulders regarding this issue with the neighbor. What can I do to help bring freedom, movement, and peace for both you and the neighbor? 

Step four is essential because it acts as a bridge, helping you see things from a different and new, more easy-going perspective, and thereby continuing to slow down your reactivity.  

And at last, step five, 

5. Pause, listen to, and tap into your breath. After asking your body how freedom, movement, and peace might feel, pause for a moment or two longer and begin to listen to and deeply tap into your breath. It's within this pause that you can start to see the challenging person, situation, or thing in a much softer view and light, and allow some small amount of healing to come in for everyone involved, including yourself.